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Men and Marriage – What’s the problem nowadays?

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Outspoken with Marisa Alamilla

Posted: Thursday, January 9, 2014. 1:12 am CST.

Men and Marriage – What’s the problem nowadays?

Outspoken with Marisa Alamilla

Outspoken with Marisa Alamilla

As I went about picking the minds of my friends, looking at personal experience and the experiences of others I found that today the word marriage makes many men flee…..but why? I will beg your indulgence as I peak in the minds of men….Ladies, please try to soak in the information rather than get defensive. Get comfy and take a deep breath, let’s talk!

Reason #1 Women just don’t value marriage the way they use to.

The reality is that “until death do we part” use to mean something to women. Now many of the divorces that you hear about are initiated by women. If and when you can get women to be really honest about why they left their husbands they will tell you it was not because he cheated or because he was a loser but because she simply got bored. She had somehow outgrown the relationship and wanted more and was looking for different. Men know this now. They talk among themselves and knowing was half the battle.

Reason #2 Divorce wars and child custody battles

Men quite honestly don’t like public wars and messy divorces. They don’t like the idea of having to be forced through a court system to deal with a woman who is hell bent on crippling his manhood. Couple that to the fact that he will be forced to fork over some of his income to pay an x for a child that he may not even get to spend time with, never being sure of his child being taken care of and his needs met you end up with most men just opting to stay out of the spectacle. Add that to the cost of lawyers, the time consumed by the court process and the lax laws that seem hell bent on castrating a man and you can see why he is running in the next direction.  Ladies….some of our sisters make this a valid fear. Let’s be fair!

Reason #3. Daddy’s old saying…..Who would buy a cow if you can get the milk for free?”

Let’s be real! Why would any man in his right mind commit to a binding agreement if he is already receiving all the benefits of marriage? Think of it this way. If you have two Chinese grocers and one of them is giving away free eggs everyday once you go in who would you most likely go to shop for what you want? Better yet what would be the point of going to buy eggs at the other grocer? You have one who is giving it to you just for being there.

Reason #4 Some ladies are hardly girlfriend material much less wives!  

Now before you get your panties all tied up in a wad….please stop and take stock of yourself. How many men have passed through your life in the last 10 years?? Think about it! I’ll wait! Can you even remember? None of these men tried to hang in there and make a long term commitment with you?  WHY NOT?  That’s the million dollar question isn’t it? Let’s be honest, the answer is – priceless! Some females I believe have bought into their own hype. They have convinced themselves that they are the perfect catch, that they are all that and a bag of chips….when the men they have dated know the real deal. Men talk! The reality – many of you are buried in drama and prior relationship confusion. You are self-centered, holding on to grudges and downright silly. Let’s not even go into the extra “buddy list” that you still hold on to even when you are involved with someone else. Which man in his right mind wants to commit to that?! See the truth is his problem is not that he doesn’t want to be married ….it’s just not to you!

Reason #5. Some ladies are just attention whores!

Men can smell an attention-seeker a mile away. They watch the reality shows at times too and see all the drama that unfolds. Just so you know…as entertaining as those shows are with all their high ratings it’s not a good idea to be practicing what you see on tv in Real life with your man. While you may think you starring in the show and your ratings are up, he is probably thinking – “if that’s all he has to look forward to, he won’t be bothered”. Please try practicing some wisdom it may take you far ladies.

Reason#6  You got a boy and he simply is not ready to be a man!  

Men are like fruits, a good one cannot be forced into maturity any more than a woman can be. People grow up at their own pace and speed and when they are good and ready whether we like it or not. So try to take stock of what you are dealing with!  Was he married before? Does he even seem remotely interested in getting married? Or are you dealing with the perpetual playboy who’s happy to finally figure out how to get easy “nash” from different women? Do your homework!

Reason #7. Some men just don’t come from the marriage material isle!

These men just won’t cut it cause they are simple not interested in ever being married and never will be. They don’t want kids, rings, permanent comforters, none of it! They are happy to be single and able to mingle. It is what it is! Trying to realize this soon will save you a lot of heartache, time and wasted energy!

And  Reason #8. Some men aren’t looking to invest in a ‘ready-made family’.

For my sisters like me with kids, I know this will not win me points with you but some men actually think when they see your kids. One thought is  “So if I get into this do I got to play daddy to these kids too? Wonder what that will cost me?” The cold reality is that many times some women that have kids are looking for a father figure for their children or someone to help ease the burden but it’s a man’s choice if he feels up to wanting to be a dad to another man’s children. He may want a wife who does not have kids and can create his own family. Even when you tell him that you don’t need a father for them or that their father is involved and taking care of them he knows that the deeper the relationship gets the kids will eventually have to be around and to some degree he will still be expected to play a father-figure role if he does stay with you. Kids are expensive and men know this. Not to mention that ladies tend to have children by the most insecure, ignorant and annoying men on the planet! Who wants to be dealing with “baby daddy” drama!

Most men are not into too much drama and they don’t want to be caught up in a whole big mess.  So if you want to land a keeper realize the less excess baggage you have the better your chances.  While I am sure there are many more reasons this was just a short list of the top reasons. It’s not meant to hurt or harm just to inform. Feel free to disagree!

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