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Tears … Chaos … Responsibilities

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Outspoken with Marisa Alamilla

Outspoken with Marisa Alamilla
(The views expressed in this Opinion Piece are those of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Belize Media Group)

By Marisa Alamilla

I was listening to the talk shows and I will say this and please understand that Belize is at a very bad place and so I believe we need to keep things real.

People die everyday and sometimes it seems that one life is recognized more than the other and that is part and parcel of the problem we have in Belize.

A great cyclist died and yes the country lost a great cycling ambassador by all accounts.

There are those who want to blame the media, there are others blaming the gangs and there are others blaming the GOB and the lack of justice. I think the blame falls squarely on us.

We have lost our way. We have lost our root values and principles. We have lost our children….and we lost them because the truth is that many of our men are “sperm donors” and as mothers we find excuses, blame the sperm donors and never realized that we could make the problem much worse if we did not realize our importance and role and did it no matter what. I am a single mom and I will not tell you its easy.

Its not easy, its been hard, lots of tears, lots of hard times, sleepless nights, times when you feel the world is against you and you don’t know where to turn.Its made so much harder when you do not have supporting structures.

When the fathers of the children you have find every excuse why they cannot help, when they are living their lives as if their children did not exists and their mothers and families support their bullshit behavior by making excuses for him and painting you the bad person.

When men do not hold up their end of the responsibility it makes it so much harder in an unforgiving society for a mother to do her part but its not impossible.

I was one of those mothers who allowed others to correct my children, I was not their friend and I make no apologies for that, I was a disciplinarian, and I was militant. I spared no rod and spoilt no child.

I was not abusive. I knew though that if I was solid in my conviction to be a parent I would lose my children along the way to an unforgiving world that cares not for the why’s.

As a parent I refused to spend any time bitching about how much time their father was not around and more time ensuring that they didn’t even realize he was gone for that too I make no apologizes.

I had no time to be up and down in courts, no time to be teaching him how to be a man because I had my own son to raise to become a man and not a clue how to do it.

Thank God I had a dad who was one so I figured I would just try to copy what my dad did for me.

When men are not actively involved in their children’s lives we pay as a society, when as a society we turn a blind eye to men who are womanizers, men who are abusive, men who make kids all over and then cannot physically, emotionally, or spiritually live up to their responsibilities this is the end result.

A country in chaos.

When as women we do not understand our worth and value as the backbone of a country, when we live trying to keep a man instead of keeping our children chaos happens.

Females need to understand that if we are not strong enough we will be the ultimate losers. We will lose what you are trying to keep most – a man, you will lose yourself, and you will lose your children.

Tears will become common place and there will soon be no shoulders to lean on.

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Comments

3 Comments

  1. isma says:

    I understand about single mothers, me as the man that works to provide all the necessities for home, cannot be home everyday. I work far from home and can only go home every 2 weeks..this causes a problem where the kids tend to do things their own way and not obey their mother. I try to call home every day so they know what I’m up to and I know what they are doing.
    Now the problem I don’t want to face is the crime issue we have rite now, suppose one of these days I get robbed or killed while on my way home, whose going to take care of my family? I wonder if gob has an answer for that, they are playing with innocent lives, and they don’t seem to care. I’m tired of promises, please somebody has to do something about this tragedy, we cannot continue living this way!!!

  2. Lina Montero says:

    Words of encouragement is what women out there need as at times we feel alone we can’t face responsibilities. As a single mother I had to go through difficult times raising 4 children, in the beginning I felt the world tearing apart as I was left with my children and at the same time my 8yr old daughter was diagnosed with a chronic anemia and I didn’t had the support of my husband I didn’t know how to handle it as I was studying to become a well trained teacher and give my love ones a better future. I gave up my education because we spent more time traveling for her treatment and left my other 3 children behind my baby was just 5month and I didn’t even had time to tell him I will stop breast feeding you. It is difficult when we don’t want to accept reality and put a limit to what is happening to get up and say ‘I can do it myself’. I decide to make that step and as time when by my problem got worse one after the other but one thing helped me for sure, if found God and it have been 4 years now we are still here alive and facing with his help every trial that is coming on our way. My daughter is here in Ohio Cincinnati by the grace of God about to go for a bone marrow transplant! I am not the only woman going through this, out there are other brave women facing worst things and guiding their children for a better future and not giving up. We should first put God and our children and even if things seem difficult we will overcome them because we are not alone. Lina Montero

  3. Margarita Flores says:

    I know what you’re saying, I’ve walked in your shoe and yes, Being a single MOM is not easy, it’s a hard, double & triple the job. But as a WOMAN we manage to work things out, We prove to the WORLD that we can do it alone, it’s great when you have some kind of family or friend support, but when you don’t, hey, we got to do what we got to do.
    It’s a lesson learned the hard way.
    But I feel proud of myself… I did the best I could, and I don’t regret doing it, if I had to do it over again I would.
    Sleepless night, tired days, tears, with your Heart on your throat, no $$$$ etc. etc. etc. *YES* we learn to forgive, not forget. We say Thank You Lord for another bright and shinny day, we brush it off, with our chin up high and a big smile on our face, And no one knows what you’re going through. No one knows the life of a SINGLE PARENT. But the ones living it can tell. Move forward and when you loo back you can say, WOW it’s been a long JOURNEY, but I made it… HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, GOD BLESS ALL THE SINGLE PARENTS on this special day …

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